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Entries in Counseling Articles (39)
Back in 1995, I was approached by a therapist and a web designer, talking about the Internet. At that time, the Internet was almost unheard of. I had no idea what it was. The web designer was a man named John Thawley, who I work with to this day. The therapist was involved in the beginning but dropped off the face of the earth shortly after the website was launched. The website was called DivorceOnline.com. It was launched in 1995. In May of 1996, one of the most salient features of Divorce Online, entitled ‘He Said…She Said’, was launched. Divorce Online was a site with a goal of approaching divorce related issues legally, psychologically, and economically. There were many articles posted that are still relevant to this day.
By Ariana E. Cha and Jennifer Dixon
Here are some questions parents should ask themselves when considering joint custody:
Q: How well do you feel you and the other parent can get along?
A: Parents should cooperate with each other. "Support the child's relationship with both parents," Barbara Nordhaus, assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center, said Thursday. "Drop-offs and pickups should go smoothly. The better a couple can get along, the easier joint custody will be for the children," said Beth Clark, clinical psychologist and a consultant to the University of Michigan Center for the Family and Child. Leslie de Pietro, coordinator of Family Care Resources at the University of Michigan, agreed. "Children shouldn't be used a pawns." Parents should meet regularly to discuss the joint custody situation without the children.
Life Coach/Divorce Recovery for Women
The way to recover and thrive after divorce is simple: Until you can release the toxic emotions surrounding your divorce, it is impossible for you to move forward in life and be happy. It takes enormous commitment and effort but it can be achieved. If you want to lead a new life that is both fulfilling and happy, you must let go of the negative emotions and thoughts that hold you back from creating a life you love. And guess what else? Who do you suppose pays the biggest price when it comes to toxic emotions? You.
During the divorce process, the negative emotions that you were already experiencing in your marriage go haywire! During times of crisis, our world appears to crumble and with it our concept of whom we are. Our mind chatter turns up the volume to deafening levels. We question everything. We feel emotions so intense that we often wonder if we will survive them. Anger, sadness, depression, rage, grief, resentment, bitterness, and confusion are some of the feelings we are hit with.
Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce. The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband. This is the real work of divorce recovery: becoming a single woman possessed of confidence, self-esteem, an enthusiasm for life and most important, a complete break from the emotional turmoil that led to your divorce in the first place.
All too often, women experience the same conflicts with their ex that originally led to divorce: constant arguments, reactive behavior leading to emotional upsets, old patterns of reliance, the barrage of destructive barbs aimed at your self-esteem and deep hurts. To truly be divorced you must put forth great effort and inner work that will sever your ties to your ex and you must build a structure that will facilitate that work.
Let me give you examples: You and your ex have children together therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis. Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument. Nothing happens easily. The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and actual divorce remain intact. You each know each other’s hot buttons and continue to push those buttons resulting in upsets. It’s the old marriage still running the game. You continually get sucked into this abyss.
Do you remember the old adage that states there’s your side, there’s my side and then there’s the truth? If we were totally honest with ourselves, we too could see the truth of any situation. Once we accept that truth, we have the newfound freedom to gain clarity, discover our options and make real choices that are based in reality and not a subjective interpretation of what is. The past no longer runs the show. A world of possibilities opens that we might otherwise have missed. To recover from divorce one must face the truth.
The gist of the adage is that we don’t really see reality for what it is. Rather we see things through our interpretive abilities and we interpret things based on our past experiences. Reality gets fine tuned through our own personal filters. We live in a world based on the past, a world that no longer exists.