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Entries by Site Administrator (70)


Parenting time is the number of overnights that each parent has with the child or children as the result of a divorce action or a paternity action.  It is based upon the Child Custody Act, and the same factors that are reviewed by the courts in determining child custody, are also looked at with regard to parenting time.  Parenting time can run the gamut from one parent having the children most of the time, and the other parent having a set schedule, such as alternate weekends and maybe one evening a week for dinner and alternate holidays, along with time set forth during the summer and school breaks, to a situation where the parties may have equal parenting time with various schedules being set forth by agreement or set by the court.  Every situation is different and a parenting time schedule that makes sense for an infant or young child, will make no sense for a nine or ten-year-old.  Teenagers will often need very different schedules because they want to spend more time with their friends, along with their involvement in school activities, and less and less time with either parent.  

Posted on Tuesday, December 8, 2009 at 03:34PM by Registered CommenterSite Administrator in | Comments Off


In these tough economic times, where people are trying to save money and want to have an amicable divorce, an excellent way to do this is through a pre-divorce mediation package.  I have handled several of these successfully, and would like to explain how it works.

Both the husband and wife meet with an attorney who specializes in family law and is also certified as a mediator, as are all of the attorneys at Gornbein Smith Peskin-Shepherd.  An agreement is reached at the first meeting that the attorney will be acting as a mediator and will not be representing either the husband or wife in the divorce.  The role of the attorney will be to meet with the parties to cover all issues in the divorce in an effort to help them resolve everything in an amicable fashion.

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Posted on Saturday, November 21, 2009 at 11:06AM by Registered CommenterSite Administrator | Comments Off

The Real Divorce: Cutting the Emotional Ties that Bind

by Shelley Stile 

Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce.  The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband.  This is the real work of divorce recovery: becoming a single woman possessed of confidence, self-esteem, an enthusiasm for life and most important, a complete break from the emotional turmoil that led to your divorce in the first place.

All too often, women experience the same conflicts with their ex that originally led to divorce: constant arguments, reactive behavior leading to emotional upsets, old patterns of reliance, the barrage of destructive barbs aimed at your self-esteem and deep hurts.   To truly be divorced you must put forth great effort and inner work that will sever your ties to your ex and you must build a structure that will facilitate that work.

Let me give you examples: You and your ex have children together therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument.  Nothing happens easily.  The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and actual divorce remain intact.  You each know each other’s hot buttons and continue to push those buttons resulting in upsets.  It’s the old marriage still running the game. You continually get sucked into this abyss.

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Posted on Tuesday, July 1, 2008 at 08:39PM by Registered CommenterSite Administrator in | Comments Off

Recovering from Divorce: Honoring the Truth

By Shelley Stile

Do you remember the old adage that states there’s your side, there’s my side and then there’s the truth?  If we were totally honest with ourselves, we too could see the truth of any situation.  Once we accept that truth, we have the newfound freedom to gain clarity, discover our options and make real choices that are based in reality and not a subjective interpretation of what is.  The past no longer runs the show.  A world of possibilities opens that we might otherwise have missed.  To recover from divorce one must face the truth.

The gist of the adage is that we don’t really see reality for what it is. Rather we see things through our interpretive abilities and we interpret things based on our past experiences. Reality gets fine tuned through our own personal filters. We live in a world based on the past, a world that no longer exists.

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Posted on Tuesday, June 3, 2008 at 01:31PM by Registered CommenterSite Administrator in | Comments Off

Divorce Recovery: Releasing the Toxic Emotions

Shelley Stile ~ Life Coach/Divorce Recovery for Women

The way to recover and thrive after divorce is simple: Until you can release the toxic emotions surrounding your divorce, it is impossible for you to move forward in life and be happy.  It takes enormous commitment and effort but it can be achieved.  If you want to lead a new life that is both fulfilling and happy, you must let go of the negative emotions and thoughts that hold you back from creating a life you love.  And guess what else?  Who do you suppose pays the biggest price when it comes to toxic emotions?  You.

During the divorce process, the negative emotions that you were already experiencing in your marriage go haywire!  During times of crisis, our world appears to crumble and with it our concept of whom we are. Our mind chatter turns up the volume to deafening levels.  We question everything.  We feel emotions so intense that we often wonder if we will survive them.  Anger, sadness, depression, rage, grief, resentment, bitterness, and confusion are some of the feelings we are hit with.  

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Posted on Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 12:43PM by Registered CommenterSite Administrator in | Comments Off
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