What's New at Divorce Online

DIVORCE AND ADDICTION: A PERSONAL TESTIMONY

Site Administrator — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 19:48:07 +0000

By Isaac Schaver, M.D.

Getting divorced is difficult. Getting clean is difficult. Getting both clean and divorced is downright painful! Yet, some people make it. If done for the right reasons, recovery from this "double whammy" can lead to a new and fulfilling life. I know from personal experience.

Let's take first things first, which means getting clean first. There can be no rational decisions, sound thinking, or good judgment while one is high or under the influence. A reasonable period of sobriety is a must before important decisions can be made.

So what does getting clean mean? And what does it take? Every user must ask him or herself the question, "Am I addicted?" (FACT: The substance can be alcohol, drugs, or any mood altering chemical that is assimilated into the body). How does one answer that question? The experts suggest a lot of answers, ranging from a detailed analysis of personal habits and patterns of behavior to "If you think you might be one, you probably are." Personally, I think that when someone continues to use in the face of negative consequences, one is addicted. If a person honestly answers "yes" to "Does using cause me difficulties?" and "no" to "Can I really stop when I want to," in my view, that individual is addicted.

"CONTESTED" AND "UNCONTESTED DIVORCE"

Site Administrator — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 18:07:30 +0000

By J. Richard Kulerski

A case is contested if the parties cannot agree and every one of the issues involved in their particular situation. Common areas of disagreement include, but are not limited to, the following: grounds, custody, visitation, division of assets, child support, maintenance (alimony), payment of family debts, contribution toward educational expenses (college or parochial), payment of health insurance for the dependent spouse, income tax structuring, etc.

When a divorce case is filed, it is given an identification number and is deemed by the court to be a matter that will ultimately require trial time in order to resolve all issues. Cases are generally called for trial in the order in which they were filed.

COMMON TAX QUESTION RELATED TO A DIVORCE

Site Administrator — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 06:41:59 +0000

By John J. Stockdale

There are many complex tax questions that come up when a person divorces. It is impossible to address all of them without knowing the specific facts in each case. However, the simple answers to some general questions that almost always come up are listed below. Each situation is almost always more complicated, however, and you should always talk these matters over with your legal counsel and CPA to get the answer for your specific situation. These answers will only give you a general idea of what is going on.

Do I have to pay tax on money and property I receive in a divorce settlement? Is money I pay to my ex-spouse tax deductible?

If a payment qualifies as alimony under federal tax rules, the paying spouse deducts it and the receiving spouse reports it as income. If a payment is child support, it is not deductible by the payor and is not taxable income to the payee. If a payment is property settlement, there is no immediate tax consequence on the payment. If the payment isn't money, though, there may be a capital gains tax later when the property is sold. For example, the recipient of the home generally wouldn't pay tax on that right away but might have to pay tax when the house is later sold.

CUSTODY ARRANGEMENTS

Site Administrator — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:24:34 +0000

By Ariana E. Cha and Jennifer Dixon

Here are some questions parents should ask themselves when considering joint custody:

Q: How well do you feel you and the other parent can get along?

A: Parents should cooperate with each other. "Support the child's relationship with both parents," Barbara Nordhaus, assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center, said Thursday. "Drop-offs and pickups should go smoothly. The better a couple can get along, the easier joint custody will be for the children," said Beth Clark, clinical psychologist and a consultant to the University of Michigan Center for the Family and Child. Leslie de Pietro, coordinator of Family Care Resources at the University of Michigan, agreed. "Children shouldn't be used a pawns." Parents should meet regularly to discuss the joint custody situation without the children.

WHEN IS DADDY NOT A DADDY

Site Administrator — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:18:15 +0000

By Fred Morganroth

The Doctorine of Equitable Estoppel In Paternity Cases

For six years the little girl called him "Daddy". He showed her the love and affection a father shows to a daughter.

Then suddenly, the father, known as "Mr. G." to the Pennsylvania court system, discovered that someone else had really been the child's biological father. He attempted to cut off all ties to the child and the child's mother with whom he had lived with but never married. He also refused to support the child.

It appears that in 1987 he acknowledged paternity of the child thinking he was the father because he had been the mother's only boyfriend when she got pregnant. The child also resembled him.

CHOOSING A MATRIMONIAL LAWYER

Site Administrator — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:09:57 +0000

By David M. Wildstein, Esq.

Choosing the right attorney may be your most important decision in ending your marriage and successfully beginning the next phase of your life. The right matrimonial lawyer can help provide you with financial security. The wrong lawyer may lead to the loss of marital assets that are rightfully yours or even may result in your losing custody of your children.

You need an experienced and concerned attorney to fight for you, to guide you through the legal process, and to respect your needs. Litigants in divorce cases often change lawyers before the conclusion of their case. Part of the problem is that often clients do not put enough time and effort into selecting their attorneys. To keep this from happening to you, you should choose your lawyer carefully.

DIVORCE MEDIATION: AN ALTERNATIVE TO LITIGATION

Site Administrator — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 16:57:05 +0000

By Risa A Kleiner, Esq.

What is mediation? Mediation is a process in which the husband and wife work with a neutral third party who facilitates an agreement on child support, alimony, equitable distribution and other issues involved in their divorce.

*When is mediation an appropriate alternative to litigation? Mediation may be an appropriate alternative to litigation when both parties seek to resolve their divorce issues by agreement and want to avoid a trial or other adversarial court proceedings. Mediation may not be appropriate if there has been domestic violence in the family, if one party feels controlled by or fearful of the other party or if either party is not willing to provide full disclosure of their income, assets and debts.

*Who should mediate? The mediator is a neutral person, preferably an attorney or mental health professional, who has completed formal training in mediation and has been accredited by the sanctioning body of professional mediators in that given state (New Jersey Society of Professional Mediators in the case of this author).

TEENAGERS & DIVORCE

Site Administrator — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 18:32:35 +0000

By Dennis Rozema

Q. My husband and I have threatened divorce for years. I have stayed with him because I wanted my son, who is now 15, to have a two parent family. I am now seriously considering leaving my husband, and am wondering what kind of reactions I can expect from my son.

A. How your son will react depends a lot on your son and how he sees the divorce of his parents. Divorce is a loss and the same feelings of grief, anger, fear, and quilt that are felt with other losses are typical with divorce. Much of the research shows that boys tend to react more severely than girls, but more importantly, the severity of reactions depends mostly on how it is presented and then played out.

DIVORCE CHECKLIST

Site Administrator — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 17:15:54 +0000

By Henry S. Gornbein

In response to numerous requests from our readers, Divorce Online has prepared a basic checklist of issues that should be considered in every divorce and discussed with your attorney. The list is intended to be general and broad in scope, and food for thought as part of a negotiated settlement or in preparation for trial. Some items may not apply to everyone due to state law variations, whether or not there are children, etc. Feel free to download it for your personal use. Also, please let us know if we overlooked anything. Your comments are welcome.

DATING DURING DIVORCE ISN'T WISE

Site Administrator — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 16:55:14 +0000

By Judge Anne Kass

10-25-93 (Dating) Originally published 11-1-93 ~ Anne Kass is a District Judge for the Second Judicial District in Albuquerque, New Mexico. This is the first of several articles she has submitted to Divorce Online.

A few weeks ago the classified personals contained an ad that read,

"Male 53, unhappily married, divorce pending, seeks slim, unattached female, 40-55, for long-term, caring relationship. Call . . . "

It made me think of the hundreds of cases I've seen in divorce court in which one of the spouses became intimately involved with someone new before the divorce was final. Those cases were horribly acrimonious and expensive because there is very little that can turn a divorce case into a thermonuclear war quite like the involvement of one spouse with a new companion.