By  Henry S. Gornbein

9.   Find out as much about your financials as possible before you file a divorce, so that there will be no surprises.

8.   Try to find out as much as possible about your job security and if you aren’t employed, see what your options are for employment.

7.   Carefully consider all options, especially whether or not the marriage can be saved.

6.   Think about your house. Does it have a negative equity? Can you afford the payments? Do you want to stay in the house, or leave?

5.   If you have children, think about your children. Can you work with your soon to be former spouse regarding custody and parenting time? What arrangement makes sense for you?

4.   Build a support system among family and friends, because this will be important as you go through a divorce.

3.   Keep a journal. Keep track of incidents and events. Do this both before and during the divorce.

2.   Prepare budgets. Try to figure out either individually or with a financial planner or an attorney, what you will need to live on once the divorce is final.

1.   Find a good attorney, someone you can trust, someone you can work with, someone who will not try to take advantage of you. The role of an attorney is to be supportive, to litigate, and be your advocate where necessary, but also not to create a scorched-earth policy. We at Gornbein Smith Peskin-Shepherd PLLC will have your best interests at heart, but will also take into account, especially if there are children, that you will have to communicate and move forward doing what is best for your children.

In these troubled economic times, more and more people are turning to the protection of the U.S. Bankruptcy Code to resolve their debts and protect their property from foreclosure and repossession.

More than 1 million people filed bankruptcy last year alone, and the numbers are only climbing as the recession hits homes.

Some people are finding that in order for them to save their homes from foreclosure or to gain control of their bills, they need to file bankruptcy in the middle of their divorce.

This can lead to many questions as the legal proceedings of bankruptcy and divorce intersect.

Read on to get answers to some bankruptcy and divorce questions you may have.

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by Henry S. Gornbein

9. Once your divorce is filed, find out as much as you can about the judge.

8. Stay out of court as much as possible because court appearances are costly, not only financially, but also from an emotional standpoint. Judges will not know you or your case unless you are in a situation where you are in court every week on motions or hearings, and often the judge will be getting a very negative impression of you.

7. Make sure that you and your attorney are well prepared before you go to court. Floundering around in court can create a bad impression, and is also costly.

6. Through your attorney, see if your judge is one who will cut court appearances to minimize expense. This can be done by, in some instances, having original pre-trials and some court appearances done by phone if the judge and the other attorney will agree.

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Shelley Stile
Life Coach/Divorce Recovery for Women

The way to recover and thrive after divorce is simple: Until you can release the toxic emotions surrounding your divorce, it is impossible for you to move forward in life and be happy.  It takes enormous commitment and effort but it can be achieved.  If you want to lead a new life that is both fulfilling and happy, you must let go of the negative emotions and thoughts that hold you back from creating a life you love.  And guess what else?  Who do you suppose pays the biggest price when it comes to toxic emotions?  You.

During the divorce process, the negative emotions that you were already experiencing in your marriage go haywire!  During times of crisis, our world appears to crumble and with it our concept of whom we are. Our mind chatter turns up the volume to deafening levels.  We question everything.  We feel emotions so intense that we often wonder if we will survive them.  Anger, sadness, depression, rage, grief, resentment, bitterness, and confusion are some of the feelings we are hit with.  

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by Shelley Stile 

Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce.  The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband.  This is the real work of divorce recovery: becoming a single woman possessed of confidence, self-esteem, an enthusiasm for life and most important, a complete break from the emotional turmoil that led to your divorce in the first place.

All too often, women experience the same conflicts with their ex that originally led to divorce: constant arguments, reactive behavior leading to emotional upsets, old patterns of reliance, the barrage of destructive barbs aimed at your self-esteem and deep hurts.   To truly be divorced you must put forth great effort and inner work that will sever your ties to your ex and you must build a structure that will facilitate that work.

Let me give you examples: You and your ex have children together therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis.  Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument.  Nothing happens easily.  The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and actual divorce remain intact.  You each know each other’s hot buttons and continue to push those buttons resulting in upsets.  It’s the old marriage still running the game. You continually get sucked into this abyss.

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